At the office of the
Olympus Group, Zeus lectures the board on baseball and loyalty, gesturing with
a baseball bat. He stops behind Hera to bash her in the head but she sends a
quick bolt to disintegrate the bat. She sarcastically notes that it has taken a
few thousand years for him to figure out she was the one behind Hercules’
labors, both ancient and modern. Their “understanding” was that Zeus would
continue his infidelities with mortal women and Hera would persecute their
offspring. Zeus denies having any more affairs with mortals but his reaction to
his sexy secretary belies that statement. Zeus accuses Hera of jeopardizing the
gods’ position on Earth but she brushes it off, calling on the board to vote on
whether she continues the labors of Hercules and the board approves….
1. 8. Eurystheus continues
hosting the new twelve labors of Hercules. As in ancient times, Hercules has to
defeat Diomedes and his four man-eating mares so now Herc will be pitted
against Mole Man and his four monsters (the one from the cover of FANTASTIC
FOUR #1 and his three siblings). Herc arrives in Maui to buy 1000 feet of
chain, paying for it with Gordon Allsworth’s credit card; when they see this,
Robert and Jimmy make some purchases too on Gordon’s card. So as Mole Man
tunnels up from below, planning to conquer Hawaii, Hercules meets them, wraps a
chain around one monster and swings it to knock out the other three. Then
Mole Man sends his Moloids after Herc who wraps the monster into a huge ball
and bowls the Moloids over and plugs the tunnel….
2.
9. As Herc once stole the
golden girdle of Hippolyta, Queen of the Amazons, now he must retrieve Captain America’s
shield. Herc visits Avengers Tower and Cap welcomes him, thinking he
has come to apologize for his behavior at the funeral. They converse, with Cap sympathizing
with Herc as they are both warriors out of their times. Cap apologizes to Herc
for not understanding his concerns. Then Herc punches his lights out and takes
the shield. Wolverine, Iron Man, Spider-Man, and Spider-Woman confront him so
he wields the shield and bowls them all over and runs out the door. Cap
recovers and tells the Avengers that clearly Herc needed the shield for some
important reason and to cut him some slack. Herc is miffed that they
reassembled the Avengers and chose Wolverine but not him….
3.
10. Hercules enters Latveria
and steals a Doombot but the thing’s dire threats lead Gordon to wonder if it
really is a Doombot or did Herc get….
4. 11. Herc must steal a
Helicarrier from SHIELD. He ropes one and tows it away while the agents fire
upon him with all available weapons. Nick Fury is woken up and alerted to the
disaster. He goes back to sleep, saying, “Wake me back up if he takes us
someplace good.”
Eurystheus is surprised
that Hercules has gotten this far. He describes how Herc went into Hades to
bring back the three-headed guard dog Cerberus. But this time he wants Hercules
to enter Hades and bring back a flower from the hair of his wife Megara—as a
sign of her forgiveness for killing her and their children. Robert is shocked
at this revelation but Hercules can’t deny it….