Incredible Hulk Annual, The (1976 series) #17

Old as the Hills [Subterranean Wars Part 2]

Synopsis

By Peter Silvestro
Rating:

Continued from AVENGERS ANNUAL #20.

Underground, Tyrannus is agonizing over his loss of access to the Fountain of Youth, terrified of aging. Mole Man is no help in calming him down. Their armies have been decimated by Brutus and his Mutates and the only thing Tyrannus can think of is to force someone to do his bidding to capture the Fountain—and then he hits on the idea of the Hulk. Mole Man notes that Hulk’s pal Rick Jones is in Reno, Nevada...

…where Marlo Chandler runs a workout class attended by her pal Betty Banner. The two women chat about aging and how it’s harder on women than on men, meeting Marlo’s boss, the odd Mr. Sweeney, who claims to be a retired intergalactic bounty hunter….

Professor Hulk is playing with Rick’s collection of action figures, having Savage Hulk fight Doctor Doom, annoyed that the Hulk’s only accessory is a rock. Rick drives by to pick up Marlo and Betty and Mole Man and his Moloids crash through the surface and snatch Rick and Betty. Hulk, pondering why Betty doesn’t like him in his new personality, encounters Marlo who fills him in on what happened….

In his lair, Brutus, leader of the Mutate enemies, is informed that Tyrannus has kidnapped friends of the Hulk so Brutus gives orders to be prepared and calls out Gort as his bodyguard….

Rick and Betty are brought before Tyrannus who does not appreciate their joking around. Meanwhile, Hulk is walking through the underground, surprised at the obvious trail to his destination. He is met by Mole Man, who outlines the situation….

Tyrannus talks to Rick and Betty about his fear of aging, wondering why surface people aren’t so afraid of old age and death. He reveals the ravages of time to his face…and they don’t know what he means, he looks fine to them but slight crows feet and a couple of gray hairs have sent him into a frenzy….

Hulk reaches the Fountain of Youth which is guarded by Brutus and his men; he is attacked by Gort, a fierce monster with needle-sharp teeth. Hulk defeats the monster, clobbers Brutus and his men, and fills a canteen with water from the Fountain. He then claps his hands, causing the cavern to collapse, burying the Fountain of Youth. He arrives at Tyrannus’ lair to find Betty has shown the bad guy how to use make-up to hide the unsightly bits. Good to his promise, Tyrannus frees Rick and Betty so Hulk pours the water on the ground. Tyrannus tries to lick it up and the good guys depart. Betty scolds Hulk for humiliating Tyrannus like that….

After they have gone, Tyrannus convulses and collapses, realizing Brutus had poisoned the water of the Fountain….

Continued in NAMOR, THE SUB-MARINER ANNUAL #1.

Characters
Good (or All)

Plus: Marlo Chandler, Moloids.

Enemies
Brutus, Deviant Mutates.

Mean Joe

Synopsis

By Peter Silvestro
Rating:

Hulk is heading home after a long day of battling bad guys when a group of little league kids are happy to see him, calling him “Mr. Green.” They offer him a six-pack of Popsi; he squeezes it and swallows the whole contents in a single gulp. As the kids turn away, he calls them back and tears off his shirt and throws it to them. They are thrilled as Hulk leaps away, so they shout, “Thanks, Mean Joe!”

Explanation 1: This story was the result of a contest with the winners meeting Hulk in a comic book. The five kids from the baseball team bear the names of the winners.

Explanation 2: This is a parody of a 1979 commercial for Coca-Cola, featuring football star “Mean” Joe Greene and a little boy. It is considered one of the best TV commercials of all time, according to Wikipedia, and softened the image of Greene, portraying him as a nice guy. It’s on YouTube.

Characters
Good (or All)

Hero Worship

Synopsis

By Peter Silvestro
Rating:

Rick Jones is at a comic book convention, signing his new book, “Sidekick.” A fan named James is so thrilled to meet his hero that he can’t talk when he gets to meet Rick and his girlfriend Brenda has to speak for him. After the con is over for the day, the embarrassed James follows Rick out to the parking lot and pushes Rick out of the way of a speeding car. After this, Rick invites James and Brenda to a soda shop by way of thanks. James gushes over Rick and asks if he can be his sidekick. Rick declines and leaves and the bad guy tries to run him down again. This time, Rick jumps into the car and fights the baddie, causing the car to crash. The baddie flees but Brenda hurls a paint can, knocking him down. The assailant is Tom Smith, one of the old Teen Brigade who has grown jealous of Rick’s success and wanted to kill him. After the police take Smith away, James renews his offer to be Rick’s sidekick. Rick points out what a great life James already has, warning him that if he doesn’t tone it down, he's going to be just like Tom Smith. James sees his point and wishes Rick good luck on the book….

Characters
Good (or All)

Not to the Swift

Synopsis

By Peter Silvestro
Rating:

A fast-moving kid named Luis Barrett is chased down and captured by Blacklash, Ringer, and Barrier who tell him their boss is looking for new talent. From the Pantheon HQ, Agamemnon notes that the bad guys are luring Luis down the path of evil and he senses a purpose for good in the boy so he dispatches Ulysses and Achilles to help him….

Luis meets the “boss,” Justin Hammer, who offers him a job with great financial benefits. Luis is given a costume and renamed Thunderbolt and, as a “test,” ordered to break into Edwards Air Force Base and recover plans for an experimental aircraft. Ulysses and Achilles arrive and Luis helps them beat up the bad guys. Hammer gets away and the Pantheon guys tell Luis he is on the right track for success.