Harold H. Harold is
writing his novel to be called “The Vampire Conspiracy.” It tells of a
beautiful but helpless woman named Aurora who moves into a sinister mansion and
encounters ghostly threats, followed by an appearance by Dracula who wants her
for his bride. She calls the great, brilliant, and heroic ghost chaser Harold
who arrives with his cowardly and dim-witted assistants, Frank and Rachel, to
battle the vampire. Dracula, it turns out is the cringing lackey of Satan who
manifests himself as a black panther (the animal not the superhero). On Satan’s
orders, Dracula attacks Rachel in a room filling with blood and kills her with
his bite—but Harold arrives to drive a stake through her heart and prevent her
becoming one of the undead. Satan attacks Aurora but Harold rushes to the scene
and kills the huge cat body with a karate blow, forcing Satan back to the
nether realm. Dracula attacks Harold with rats and storms but the hero
withstands all of his blows, finally using a kung fu throw to hurl Dracula onto
a conveniently placed tree branch. An adoring Aurora falls into Harold’s arms….
Harold heads to the
corner to mail his completed manuscript to the publisher. He runs into the real
Aurora Rabinowitz and asks her out on a date…but she’s already meeting a guy
and brushes him off….