Thing is clouted in the head by a tomato hurled by a member
of the Yancy Street Gang; he chases the kid and runs into two more gang guys
with tomatoes. Then Thing is suddenly teleported elsewhere and the gang figures
they scared him off….
In the desert, a sculptor is putting the finishing touches on
his life’s work: a one-hundred foot tall statue of his hero, Ben Grimm, the
Thing. Then the Hulk suddenly appears and smashes the statue to bits and
prepares to smash the sculptor as well but he is suddenly teleported
elsewhere….
The Watcher fills us in on the situation: Thing and Hulk
have been teleported to Matriculon, a planet known for change and innovation.
Bureaucrat Stamben Malelet has been chosen to deliver a legal document to
inventor Mall Addy who has just discovered the latest big change in nutrition
and the Bureau want to ensure that it is marketed fairly. Problem is, Mall Addy
has been kidnapped by gangster Nasty McBurne, part of the infamous Banger
McCrusher Mob and Food Outlet. Afraid to confront the mob, Stamben Malelet
delegates responsibility by summoning Thing and Hulk, whom he has seen on
television, from Earth. Stamben explains the situation, sedates Hulk so he will
be relatively calm for the next 24 hours, and offers as their reward for
delivering the document two wishes, including changing them back to their
original human forms—or curing all disease or eliminating hunger on Earth.
Thing has to talk Hulk into carrying out the mission (becoming Bruce Banner is
not an incentive for him) and they head out, Mall Addy’s location being
telepathically printed on their minds….
They thumb a ride on a spaceship transporting a load of vegan
worm waste to the Biological Reclamation Center; the driver eventually
recognizes them from television and ejects them from the ship and into the
Reclamation Center. They walk out though a lot of muck and head across a swamp
where they are challenged by a Thulcan Death Rob that tries to verify they are
the agents of Stamben Malelet. It does and then opens up into a giant stilted
version programmed to kill them; it is more than a match for the two Earth
heroes. It pursues them until the land runs out and then it trips over Thing
and crashes into the water, ruined. A short while later they fall into a hole
that drops them into the midst of a huge gang of Banger McCrusher’s guards;
Thing tries to reason with them and it doesn’t work; Hulk tries to reason with
them and, after an hour and a half of the Hulk’s rambling discourse, they are
all asleep, including Thing. The heroes find their way to where Nasty McBurne
is holding Mall Addy and the hood refers them to his boss, Banger McCrusher who
is a fifty-foot-tall combination of Hulk and Thing and much stronger than
either of them. The two are knocked around, with the sedatives given Hulk
preventing him from getting angrier and stronger. Eventually, Thing convinces
Hulk that the bad guy called them crazy and together, “It’s smashin’ time!” and
they clobber him. Thing hands the legal document to Mall Addy and they are
instantly transported back to the Bureau. Stamben Malelet demonstrates what
Mall Addy’s invention is: a smell and flavor enhancer, which Thing finds
underwhelming. He asks them their wishes; Thing assumes Hulk won’t want a wish
and decides to ask that they both be returned to their natural human forms but
while he is pondering a second wish, Hulks asks for food and to be sent home….
They land in the desert with a mound of burgers beside them.
While Hulk munches burgers, a disappointed Thing picks up a huge rock to drop
on Hulk’s head….